Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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