Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
