He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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