Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize