It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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