Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
