Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
