Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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