I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
