By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
