Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
