I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They took my balls.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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