Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
