your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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