But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
