mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what day is it and did you see me today?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
