I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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