All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize