maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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