New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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