I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
