your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
