come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
