His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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