he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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