I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
