dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
