My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
