I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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