my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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