My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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