So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
