We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
