the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
