Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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