3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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