I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
