my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
