Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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