oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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