Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm passing your future prison.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
