i jhust puked up my retainher.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
