The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
