I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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