If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
