We're like a lot better than the average bears
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
