I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
