the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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