I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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