i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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