Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
