his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
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I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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