I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
