weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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