we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
