ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
