I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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