he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
